Help The Introvert: children's birthday party angst

Greg's 7th birthday is coming up in September.  This means I need to plan a birthday party.

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I have never done this before.  We have always lived within an hour of my extended family, and my family is enormous, and thus any birthday party we threw was at least 20 family members...and so I've never thrown the kids a party where more than one school friend was invited.  

I am dreading this.  Like, ACK OMG THE HORROR THE HUMANITY kind of dreading.  Not only has Pinterest made throwing a birthday party seem like an impossible feat (who DOES all that themed crafty shit?? Clearly lots of people but I find it intimidatingly beyond my skill set), but Introvert Central here is having hives just imagining the scenarios.  What if no one comes???? What if everyone comes???  Either my kid will be sad with hurt feelings and I will die a thousand deaths for him, or I will have to TALK TO PEOPLE.  Its a lose-lose scenario for me.

At the last two elementary schools Greg attended, there was a big production made about how either you invited the entire class, or parents could call other parents personally to invite less than the entire class, but you couldn't hand out invitations at school unless you were inviting the entire class.  Here, this policy does not seem to be in effect---Greg has been to a few birthday parties, and it seems like you invite whomever you please, at school if you want.

Ok, all you party-throwers, help me out.  What do I do??  While I am not spending thousands of dollars like some demented OC Housewife, I do have a reasonable budget that would extend to having it at a Chuckie Cheese-type place.  (I have no idea if there is a Chuckie Cheese here; I haven't seen one in my travels.) In fact, I would much prefer to NOT have it at my house, as our backyard is the size of a postage stamp and the house isn't much bigger and under no circumstances do I want strangers to have to eat my edible-but-not-delicious cooking.   


How many kids do I invite?  The whole class?  Just the boys?  A small, intimate, hand-picked group for cucumber sandwiches and croquet?  I feel like Greg is at that weird age where you aren't sure if you are supposed to drop your kid off and come back when its done, or if you are supposed to stay and supervise.

If you know of Etsy stores that will relieve me of my money and provide Pinterest-y type party stuff so I don't have to burn my fingers on a glue gun, kindly let me know in the comments.  I like to paint furniture but I am not talented at crafty stuff.  Ask my mother about the time I got married and sprained my neck in order to trick her into making scrapbooks for my bridesmaids.  Me + crafts = no bueno.  Although if I have it at Chuckie Cheese maybe I don't need crafty Etsy stuff?


Party possibilities: 
-the bowling alley.  My kid likes bowling, but is bowling cool enough for the second grade crowd? The bowling alley provides pizza and hot dogs, we bring a cake.  


-there is a theme-park type place that has miniature golf, a rock wall, laser tag etc. They provide pizza.  I need to go check it out and see if I am responsible for overseeing 25 children playing laser tag by myself or if there are staff members assigned to a party.  


-the pool. This is not really an option.  I can barely keep track of my own three children when we go to the pool. I think I would lose my ever-loving mind if I were to be responsible for other people's children at the pool.  Also, I would have to cook or find catering.  


-the park. Our town has a number of parks, and there are pavilions that one can rent for parties.  I need to cook or cater, and depending on what park pavilion is available (they rent quickly), it might not be one with a playground, so I might have to have games.  


Recap: how many do I invite, where do I have it, you share your Etsy party store knowledge. 

Help.